Watchmen … or The Philosopher-Slaughterers … or Why I Always Fight Crime Wearing Suspenders

Have just returned from the almost three hour (i.e. bladder busting) movie Watchmen. I admit my ignorance straight up – I do know Alan Moore’s work on 2000AD and ‘The Ballad of Halo Jones’ is one of my all-time favourites – but I did not know Watchmen. Having seen the movie, I’m still not sure I know Watchmen.

The aesthetics were quite amazing, the action sequences intense. I always like seeing Jeffrey Dean Morgan, but he does seem to die a lot in shows (Supernatural, Gray’s Anatomy to name but two). There was a lot of violence, which I don’t object to per se but once you’ve seen one bone breaking through skin, do you really need to see them all? And the scene with the buzz saw? Mmmmm. Karen Miller’s mentioned the level of violence against women and how it’s fetishized in films such as this, so I won’t go there again (http://karenmiller.livejournal.com/153858.html) – although it does get a bit tiresome as does the message that women seem to enjoy it.

Questions: why when people jump must they land in a stylized superhero pose? What woman in her right mind choses to fight crime in stiletto-heeled thigh boots (which admittedly looked fabulous) and suspenders, with her hair loose for all manner of criminal to pull? Surely dungarees and a pair of Docs would be more efficient as workwear? Were the Watchmen mutants or just very fast-moving cops? Where the hell did the mutant kitty come from? Why did the Blue Man wander around without pants (not that I’m complaining) – and why were so many of the nuclear phycisists hot? Have you met any? Really? Not that I’m saying phycisists can’t be hot – but the odds of sooo many of them being hot? Why did the guy who dressed up like an owl look like he’d gotten the costume Batman had said no to? And why did the people who’d just happily slaughtered someone quite violently continue to spout philosophical arguments about the sanctity of human life? Mmmm?

As a very, very long movie it gave The Dark Knight a run for its money in the ‘let’s have a beginning, a middle, an end … and a bit more end … hey, what the heck, let’s chuck in a bit more end’ stakes. I realise this was probably due to trying to stay true to the original … but seriously, what the hell are editors getting paid for in Hollywood nowadays?  Some clunky dialogue and several moments of ‘As you know, Bob’ made me cringe, but I didn’t feel as if I wanted those hours of my life back. AND I am going to seek out the real Watchmen and become au fait with it … then I may see the movie again to pick up on the stuff I missed.

I want to think about this some more … perhaps my thoughts will have crystallized beyond their current status as slightly cynical remarks. Perhaps.

 

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