Are you giving away your story?

Today, I am in super-crit mode; so far eight stories read and critiqued since 8.30 this morning. I know the crash will come soon.

But while I’ve been doing this, I’ve noticed a repeated motif in all the stories I’ve read, which is to write a perfectly wonderful paragraph, which is nuanced and subtle, which hints and teases the reader, builds tension and anticipation … and then the last line is added, which gives it all away and undoes all the hard word.

It’s the moment which The Princess Bride (thank you, Wiliam Goldman) takes off so beautifully:

Grandpa: She doesn’t get eaten by the eels at this time.
The Grandson: What?
Grandpa: The eel doesn’t get her. I’m explaining to you because you look nervous.
The Grandson: I wasn’t nervous. Maybe I was a little bit “concerned” but that’s not the same thing.

See? The tension is gone. You were on the edge of your seat before that.

We don’t read to be reassured. We read for tension, for the joy of not knowing what’s going to happen.

So, when you’re reading through a first draft, think very carefully: are any of your sentences giving away the ending? Are you telegraphing what’s going to happen? Are you dissipating the tension you’ve taken so much trouble to build with all your carefully crafted sentences? Have you ruined it all with that one sentence* that says ‘She doesn’t get eaten’?

*And yes, I know I’ve repeated the word ‘sentence’ a lot – it’s considered repetition 😛

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