Monsters vs Aliens (An ersatz review*)

So, last night I went along with some friends to see Dreamworks’ Monsters vs Aliens – in the interests of turning off brains, disconnecting from the problems of the world and our bad/complicated/non-existent/failing relationships. Kids’ movies are good for that. Madagascar II distracted me for days from anything serious – unfortunately, I talked like King Julien that whole time. It was amusing for me, distressing for everyone else around me above the age of 10. (I find the phrase “After much deep and profound brain things inside my head” infinitely amusing – others, apparently, less so.) I must confess, I’m watching it again as I write this.

The joy of the kids’ movie in the last few years has been that they’ve displayed a sly sense of humour appealing to both kids and adults, sometimes on the same level, sometimes using layered jokes, so everyone gets a laugh. Madagascar, The Incredibles, Ice Age, Finding Nemo, Aladdin (you can’t beat Robin Williams’ genie) are prime examples. It’s been a treat for parents because they’ve found they (a) don’t have to turn their brains off, (b) don’t need to worry about snoring in the cinema, and (c) they genuinely want to and can discuss the movie with their kids afterwards without rolling their eyes.

The problem I had with Monsters vs Aliens – which may simply reveal me to be a curmudgeon who thinks too much – was that it’s not really a kids’ movie. It became pretty clear pretty quickly that it really was a movie for adults first and foremost. The humour for the kids was pretty much restricted to the dumb-ass, all-colour-and-movement stuff (‘cute’ monsters, humour quite literally related to toilets, pratfalls). The adult humour wasn’t adult in a dirty way (please don’t tell Amazon it was, or they’ll probably take the books relating to the movie off the virtual shelves), but there were so many, many references to movies that only the parents in the audience were old enough to remember that the grownups were laughing loudly and the kids looked a bit bewildered. The jokes lacked layers, so they generally appealed to only one lot of stakeholders. Some of the roundtable stuff in the secret bunker was too grownup for the six and seven year olds (”I say we give the alien full citizenship and make him feel proud to be an American!”)

There were a lot of borrowings (let’s not called them ‘hommages’ coz that would make it seem less like lazy theft). Off the top of my head, I can remember seeing pilfering from Independence Day, Apocalypse Now, The Fly, Mothra. While there was some neat retro referencing of 50s and 60s monster movies, there was also a chunk of 50s and 60s sexism that made me wonder if I had stumbled onto the set of Mad Men. Susan’s only desire to be a supportive wife to her ambitious weatherman-wants-to-be-an-anchor fiancé – sure, she recovers from this but man, it takes a while. Oh, and the constantly screaming coffee-carrying secretary in the secret bunker (mitigated only slightly by the screaming President). Sigh. Yeah, it’s a kids’ movie, but these are the places kids learn patterns and behaviours.

Some of the characters are great: Bob the Blob is hilarious (“Turns out you don’t need a brain.”) and the scene where he tries to make a date with a moulded jelly is priceless. Special mention must go to Stephen Colbert as the voice of the President of the USA, who chooses to communicate with the invading alien via means of a keyboard and a rendition of “Axel F” from Beverly Hills Cop – yes, you heard me. Axel F http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVaLbfxBriM. Stephen Colbert is allowed to do anything he likes. Hugh Laurie’s Dr Cockroach, and Rainn Wilson’s Galaxar, are great. The scene where Galaxar tells his story, but is cut off so the tale is incomplete was funny, but a fragmented narrative may well be hilarious to adults, but a bit frustrating for kids. Now, I know you’re not supposed to talk down to kids, that they’re smarter than we think, etc – but keep in mind that these small, grubby anarchists are more interested in eating Play Dough, picking their noses and putting buckets on their heads and running into walls. It doesn’t make ‘em dumb but it means I’m probably not going to be getting one of them to select wine to go with the fish any time soon.

Still and all, I thought I should still check with a child, just to make sure. So, I called the Consultant Kid, my eight year old nephew, and asked “How did you like M vs A?” There was a little considered silence, then “It was okay. The blob was cool.” It was okay. The phrase “awesome sauce” did not make an appearance in the Consultant Kid’s review. I rest my case.

So, I’m thinking, as a kids’ movie: script fail. Loss of sight of the kids and what they need/want/find amusing; either forgetting this chunk of the audience or thinking they’re more sophisticated than they are (I remind you again of the Play Dough eating). As an amusing pastiche for adults: great.

* Yes, it’s a little rambling … I have rambling brain at the moment.

PS: There was also a trailer for the new Pixar movie Up. My spider senses always tingle when a film trailer feels it necessary to tell me that the upcoming film is being brought to me by the film makers who brought me [insert list of successful movies here]. This says to me “We did really good stuff. You need to remember that and be forgiving when you view what may well be a steaming pile of excrement. We’re tired! Give us a break. Pleeeeassse see this movie!”