Cover Letter Fail

Because, apparently, I committed many and grave sins in a former life, I receive things like this in the mail.

A cover letter and a manuscript, even though I am not a publisher, nor do I work for a publisher, nor is there any way anyone in their right mind could mistake us for a publisher … and yet I have receieved this weighty package.

Allow me to repeat myself and point out what’s wrong with this picture:

1. Research your market and make sure you’re sending your precious, precious ms to the right place.

2. In your cover letter, do not simply default to ‘Dear Sir’. Some of us have breasts.

3. Do not send photos of yourself that you think should be used as your author photo.

4. Shakespeare knew there was nothing new under the sun 400 odd years ago, so do not write “This is a unique story, written unlike anything else, ever.”

5. Do not write that you know it will be a bestseller. You don’t know any such thing, trust me.

6. Do not tell the person you’ve sent the letter to that you’re doing them a favour by sending the book to them.

7. Do not, and I repeat do not, ‘dare’ the person receiving to read the ms and ‘be amazed’.

8. And don’t, don’t send it to me.

Just don’t.

This is why I bang on about writers knowing and understanding their industry.